today is not good at all for jon..his pain is so bad he's shivering or quivering his chin again..thats how we know how bad it really is..i dont know what to do..ive contacted his pain doctor..they are going over his file right now..the nurse of that doctor wants to up his effexor..im not sure about that..since once he started taking that it went up!! but im sure they know more then i do..all i can do is follow the spirit which is WAY stronger then any doctor or text book...but working together is the best thing to do right now..
he looks REALLY good though - the caretake gave him a bath, washed his hair, brushed his teeth - he looks so handsome!!
i made it to my social service appt..it will be good for me..ill see her on a weekly basis..it will be good for me to "check out" of my crazy life to just focus on my feelings once week..so im happy about that..
im waiting now to see what the doctor is going to do about this pain..i just dont get it!! why does it keep getting higher and higher??? im afraid of having to do invasive things like a morphine pump..i just keep looking up more and more about central pain online to see whats out there, whats been done, etc...its enough that he's paralyzed right now..but to watch him suffer endlessly..something has to give..
as i was driving on the frwy to my appt..i thought how the frwy is like my life..if i just keep going down the middle lane..ill make it to the destination..if im too far to the fast lane..it can get out of control and i can have an accident..if im too far to the other side..ill veer off and exit the frwy completley...
thats my life right now..allllll i can manage to do is STAY IN THE MIDDLE LANE!! i cant let my life get so crazy and out of control on the one side of the frwy- cuz i wont make it..i'll have an accident...i cant veer off and exit..those exits are like trials..each exit is one trial in our life..if we choose to exit off because the trial overtakes us..we will have a harder time getting back on that frwy middle lane again..BUT if we do exit we can ALWAYS come back!! there's an onramp to the frwy again!! so as i drove, i thought about each exit and each trial ive had..then i came to the 91,215,60 interchange and realized THATS my trial right now!! a big one!! YIKES!! BUT if i just stay quietly in that middle lane..ill get to my destination..which is to return to Heaven with my Heavenly Father..
anyway - not sure if that made any sense!!!
ill keep you posted again -
1 year ago
1 comment:
Hi Christina!
It's heather (JMom) from mormonchic! I just want to say I keep up with the posts and I'm sorry Jon's pain is coming back! I know this has gone on for so long, and it's like there's no end in sight. I wish there was more I could do for you, but I will definitely keep praying for you, Jon, the girls, your caregivers, etc. You're an example to me and to so many others, and I know you probably hate when people say that, you just want to be normal again. All I can say is I'm sorry, I am praying for you, and I wish Jon and your family to recover quickly and to have the pain managed. Take care, I'm thinking of you!
Heather
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