Jons hanging in there...

Today jons pain stayed at a 9 solid all day..it was his worst pain day every since he's been there..in the blessing that was given to him which was by Russell Santos and Sheldon McGee...this being Russell's FIRST EVER blessing he gave! Russell is a good friend of ours and he became a convert to the church due much to Jons friendship..jon asked russell that he not specifically pray that the pain goes away but more that his mind will be able to handle it..russell did so exactly and thats EXACTLY what happened! Although Jon was in excruciating pain..he was in good spirits, his mind and soul...i was SO grateful! its so hard to watch someone you love in such horrible pain..but the blessing certainly helped to make things easier..and everyone's fasting and prayers definately worked...
he managed to do one therapy..and then the rest he just stayed in his bed..although he was on ALL of his pain meds..nothing worked..at dinner time i decided to get some pizza from sams club and some rootbeer..jon was in HEAVEN!! i was glad i could atleast do that for him..
they did a LOT of training with me for EVERYTHING that im going to have to do with him..between cathing him, bowel programs, showers, medication, transfers..its endless so i'll stop now..i did learn so much today..they are all impressed that i catch on quickly..jon likes to tell them "that's my girl - she rocks!"
as i was heading out for the night the doctor was walking in so of course i turned RIGHT around and followed him into the room with jon..we talked about today..and the doctor said all of his patients in his history would rather just take something to get rid of the pain..even if it messes up their bowel's..jon is the VERY FIRST patient his ENTIRE career that is more concerned about making his bowels function right and not messing that all up..so this is a bit tricky for him to work with jon..but its challenging and he likes that! so that being said..they will go ahead and try to lower the dose of nuerontin from 500mg to 300mg..they think that one of the side effects is muscle tremors..and so they will try that to see if it helps and then the doctor will also up his baclofen dose from 10mg to 20mg to see if that helps also..in a couple of days we'll have a better idea if that worked or not..should jon go to a 10..they will call in pain management which essentially means very strong narcotics that are habit forming which jon is FOR SURE not wanting ANYTHING to do with..the doctor said he was nervous about that with jon too..because jon could get addicted to them and the pain is still there and then we'd have to detox him off it which only add's to the problem we have to begin with..he suggest we look into a yogo specialist- anyone out there know anyone?!?!? he's said thats more up jons alley..to get him to concentrate on something else for a while to see if that helps at all..he said also..he could do a morphine drip too..YIKES!
so...jon truly feels that all this pain is due to his body healing..and that if he can just keep his mind in one place and hang in there..it will get better..and that its a sign of his body healing..
i am THOROUGHLY exhausted!!! i didnt go to bed till 1245am last night thinking about Jon suffering so much that night..then back up at 7am to get girls ready for school..i spent ALL day with jon..i didnt leave till after 10pm..i talked to jons parents on the ride home so i would stay awake..i feel horrible because i havent even seen my baby becca all day..i put her down last nite at 7pm..i wont even see her till she wakes tomorrow..i wish i could just go back to being the happy mom i use to be..i was SOOOOO happy with my life..my marriage..my skills as a mother..all of it..i was so content with my life..
my patriartichal blessing talks about "my home being a place of peace, happiness, contentment and harmony"...i KNOW that as long as i continue to strive to live righteously i am still deserving of that blessing..i still want my home to be a place of peace, happiness, contenment and harmony...i just have to continue to do those things that make my life REALLY happy..happy for a long time too..not instant happiness, but long term deep satisfaction happines..that happens by continuing my prayers with jon, myself and my girls each nite and day..continued scripture reading..family home evening..the temple..all those things have always brought me real happiness..im so grateful for that..
im so thankful to the girls that helped me today, i just called kristen thompson at 9 and said i need help..she had someone at my house not 5 minutes later! i was able to just pick up and leave..how wonderful was that!! i knew that i didnt have to worry about anything regarding my kids, or feeding them..it was just being taken care of..how lucky i am to be in SUCH an AWESOME ward!!! i have the best kind of friends -- how did i get so lucky!!
well its now 1130pm..jons doing his best to hang in there..continue to pray that his mind will be okay..that the pain wont take him over..that he'll be able to continue his therapy's...pray for my girls..they are starting to struggle..its now hitting sarah..on friday night..grandma was here to pick them up..she just came up to me and wrapped her arms around my waist and started crying..i asked her if it was because of dad or me? she said "why do we ALWAYS have to go everywhere?" (meaning why do we always have to go somewhere else for the weekend)..i told her this would be the last weekend..ill keep them next weekend..she just kept crying softly..i said "is there anything i could do to make it better?" she said ..."only if you come with us.."
talk about TEARING MY HEART OUT!!! it was all i could do to hold myself together..she did manage to pick things up and go with grandma..i feel SO bad for them..i think they just want their old life back too...so please pray for them that they will be given added strength to make it thru this..they are SO sweet with jon when they are around him..the pictures on the blog tell you right there..
i know we'll get thru this..its just a matter of time..im CONSTANTLY asking myself..what things am i learning from these experiences..where am i going to grow..how am i becoming more like Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father..keeping these things in my mind and heart certainly make the journey easier..
thanks for everyones prayers and thoughts..im truly lifted by you..