Wednesday
Well today has been better then the past 4 days for me. I got up and got everyone going. I had gotten room service to feed me and the girls and jon and kim…the 2 small girls ate- theni dressed them and dropped them off at kids camp- only for them to call saying becca was crying..i was RIGHT in the middle of jons bowel program with him passing out and really didn’t have a minute to run up and get her..anyway –they figured out she was just afraid of “carnival freddy” the mascot thing…then she was fine..kim got jon dressed for the day..Sandra took my 3 older girls to the exotic beach. I really wanted to go but felt like I needed to be here with jon and becca..i was able to put becca down for her nap and then me and jon stayed in our room – we waited for 1.5 hours for Robert to come be with jon but figured he must have ended up going off the ship too…so we went downstairs to get some lunch and then we sat on the deck outside..i even managed to get jon in a lounge chair – AMAZINGLY!! I stacked two of them so they’d be high enough for me..then I just put him on it..we napped for 10 minutes before this MAJOR storm came!! It was crazy!! The kind where one of the taxi’s that kristi’s family took almost got hit by a light pole!! Jon was loving it and I was freaking out- I made him go inside..actually I just lifted him back into his chair – he didn’t really have a choice!! So we then came in our room and the girls were back by then ..they all got checked back into kids camp..then becca woke up so I she stayed with me and jon in our room..then it was time for dinner..they all wanted to eat with us..so we took them to the nice dining place..poor Rachel has a BAD earache..so I had given her Tylenol and she was in her room..after dinner I dropped the girls off back at kids camp and then Rachel wanted to eat..so I took her to eat and jon came with..i kept waiting for the kids camp to call on becca..but they didn’t! SO NICE!! We then went to a show..then all of a sudden rachels ear started hurting again..so her and I went down to the infirmary and the doc gave us some ear drops for like swimmers ear..i think she has more then “swimmers ear” so I’ll bring her back down tomorrow to have him look at it- the facility was closed..Todd gave her a blessing – and 10 minutes later she said her ear “had popped” and felt better..so well see how it goes thru the nite..so then I picked the 3 girls back up from kids camp and put them all into bed…then jon came to bed..then I went up and played settlers with some of the family..i lost BOTH games..not good!
So all in all it was a better day..i was REALLY bummed I didn’t get to go with the girls to the beach..tomorrow is belize..and its mainly shopping..so we’ll see what happens..i thought that’s what today was..i guess Kellie had monkeys climb all over her-GROSS! And Kelly and Aden zipped down a mountain- FUN! And everyone else hung out at the tropical beach…
Its been CRAZY lightening storms out here –and lots of thunder too..well anyway –its late and I need to get to bed…today was much better then the past few days..i feel bad asking for help from the family..because they are all on vacation too..or have their own kids to worry about..Robert and Sandra have been really helpful…its really hard to hear about all the awesome things they all did..while me and jon just look at eachother like..wow we just sat on the deck and did nothing..but at this point..atleast we got to sit together on the deck!! Even if it was for only 15 minutes..it was nice..we felt normal for those 15 minutes…its just so hard to find a normal right now…how does a 31 year old mother of 4 girls try to find a normal with someone who seems like they are 50 years older…its just weird and hard to explain..i love to see jon around his brothers—because its then he comes alive..and I miss that terribly..i miss jon terribly..
Well I didn’t cry today and I don’t want to start now! Ill end up with puffy eyes in the morning!!!! So time to hit the sack and start another long day – thanks for the emails!!!! I SOO appreciate it- thank you!!
1 year ago
6 comments:
It makes me sad that you are having some hard days. Just hang in there. Things will get better. Now go eat some yummy cheese cake. That always makes me feel better.
Your MC friend,
Donna ( Monty)
PS. Great job on your running. You go girl!
I lived this life not too long ago.
my 35 yr old husband paralyzed from C4 down...thanking God everyday I had him and yet crying everynight as we watched other lives go on around us and we grieved a life that was gone forever... trying to find normal with our 3 little girls in this most abnormal new lifestyle. I know your hurt and thoughts and as I read about you and Jon I feel the emotions resurface as if it was today. The feelings are so confusing somewhere between disbelief and horific tragedy and emmense love and gratitude. Nothing you could explain unless you spent time living it...not a club anyone wants to belong to and it seemed we spent everyday trying to convince ourselves we weren't in this exclusive "club" and yet there is a kinship and love that I can't help but feel. So here is a smile and an understanding heart saying....hang in there day by day and when the happiness you feel for other people as they continue to live their lives, turns into pain and heartache for you and Jon
as you realize your current limitations, just look at that incredible Man in the eyes and realize through all the difficulty, you both share a developed love of intensity and wisdom and unconditional love and service and humility that most of the world will never know. It still hurts in the short term, but in the long run you both are certainly incredible and OUTstanding individuals because God knows very, very few souls could understand, let alone deal with an injury that alters everysingle aspect of your life.
Trust me when I say I understand the "missing him" the spark that fights to get out in them and very rarely does. I miss my husbands laugh (silent now as you know :-)
and his "real" smile.
So hang in and know I'm thinking of and praying for you.
A Friend who Knows.
Wow...incredible...this comment is very touching. We are all praying for you Christina. Hang in there...
been there, what an amazing comment. I am sure you can relate to everything she is going through. Maybe you two can form a support group for each other or something like that. There is so much more power in empathy than sympathy although both are important.
For those of us who don't have a clue what you are going through know that you are in our prayers. I hope you get a little break on this trip. That you come home refreshed and that your girls and Jon had a great time there.
I think mourning your old life is normal. You have definitely experienced a loss. Let yourself feel those feelings and work through them. It must be hard to have to be so strong all of the time. We all love you and are praying for you. And we definitely don't expect perfection from you at a time like this. I hope you have a great 4th of July.
Christina...just remember that from vacations...you always need vacations....but just do your best! and don't feel bad about asking for help even for a couple of hours a day or once in a while....it will make a difference for you, to have that special time to relax too! After all they are family and are probably very happy you are there with them! Don't be afraid to ask!
Christina,
Although your girls are too young now to realize what a strong mother they have, someday, when they are grown, they will rise up and call you blessed for all your efforts to keep their childhood "normal" through all these events.
I am amazed at your discipline and stamina in going on this cruise. I think it is so awesome that your sacrificing so that your girls wont miss out on this fun family vacation with their cousins, extended family, and mom and dad.
Seriously, when they are adults they will look back and say, "WOW, my mother was (is) amazing.
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