friday nite...

tonite we got everyone bathed and showered and i spent 2 hours getting the truck packed and getting everything we'd need for tomorrow..jon was able to get a bed bath and rest...he asked me to call someone for a blessing..it was 10pm and he felt HORRIBLE and said it was too late..i told him not to worry- it'll be okay..so i called his brother chad who lives in danville, ca...his family is staying with kelly's family in riverside- so he should be here shortly..jon will be so surprised to see that chad is the one giving him the blessing..
he is really nervous about being so agitated...as i was getting stuff together for him - his suit for the wedding..i was holding his hand and he asked "will i be okay?" i lost it..i told him i'd take care of him..then i walked out and cried...that is SOOO hard for me..its one thing when its one of your children and they ask you that..but when its your grown husband who protects you..thats a completely different story...
well chad is now here..and jon is so excited to see his older brother..there's nothing like your older brother...
lisa came by and brought the dresses- i LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE them!!! im SOOO excited!!!!!!!!! thank you sooooo much!!!!!!!!!!! i cant believe someone would do that for me-- im soooo grateful!!!
well today has been emotional for me...as i drove home from my errands i though..what would we be doing if jon was not in his current condition..we'd be down in OC at the hales home helping to decorate..i usually am SO good about helping out with things like that..but i couldnt..thats hard for me..jon would have loved to help dad move big furniture and work out on the backyard with him...were both the kind of people that just get in there and start working..and typically jons in his nice kahkis which use to drive me crazy!! everything is so different now..it makes me sad sometimes..when people say "you'll walk again" its like i cant even imagine what he'll look like walking again..last nite i heard something near the stairs..it reminded me of jons ankle that would crack when he'd walk..its little things like that -that will set you off...then again tonite..connie hemmed jons nice new suit pants..and i put his suit together, and i thought..jon was going to look SO good in his suit when jons dad got it for him...its just wierd that now its not quite what we imagined...then that set me off again...then later i was looking for garments for him - it will be the first time in 3 months he's had them on..my mom had boughten him nice new perfect white ones..so i got those ready and i found a deodorant that he usually wears...i opened it up and smelt it...it was totally jon...then it really hit me hard...so i took it RIGHT into his room and said "your going to start wearing this again- no more of this right guard stuff- i cant stand that stuff anyway!"

well sorry this post is so sad...its after midnite now..i have such a full day and were all pretty nervous about how its all going to play..the biggest thing is time..it takes SOOO much time to do just about anything..so if were late getting the sealing- just keep waiting!!

we ask that you pray for jon, that he will be less agitated tomorrow, that coming off the methadone was the right choice, he only took 1/2 the pill today..and im not sure if he'll do 1/2 again or just forgo it all together...when his chest tightens and he's agitated, he feels like he cant breathe...and THEN not being able to move..its so closterphobic for him...i cant even imagine what thats like...so please pray that all goes well for him tomorrow..that he doesnt pass out while driving..that he stays comfortable thru the day...that my girls behave and do well..and we return home safely to our happy home...thank you for all the prayers and service everyone provides on our behalf...what an awesome feeling it is for us to know that as a team were all helping and going to see jon walk again..