possible caretaker!!

PLEASE pray for us right now, i went online just now and located a possible caretaker. Her name is Carol and she's had 20 years of experience. She is about my size and strong - GREAT! She's worked with quadrapalegics as well. I gave her the run down of the schedule i've put together- she kept saying WOW IM SO IMPRESSED that you've been able to do that in just 6 weeks!!! she couldnt believe that i had a system routine somewhat put together - i told her im trying to get my life back together....she asked what we were wanting to pay..i told her we are able to pay 12-1500 per month with weekends off...she asked if i was going thru an agency right now...i said yes we are.. she said "oh then i know EXACTLY what your working with - yikes!!"...she was just so impressed with my positive organized attitude that she said well christina, if jon is anything like you- i can hardly wait to meet him!! i told him he's SUCH a positive guy - he's not grumpy or cranky, he's upbeat, trying to keep his family together, trying to keep his own business going, but our life --its TERRRRRIBLY hard right now and we DESPERATLY need to find a solution to make things a little easier on us...i told her that she'd LOVE jon and he's been in the newspaper if she wanted to look him up online, he's got a HUGE family and MANY friends that love and only what the best for him..anyway - she said she'd come visit with jon to make sure they make a good match and that she felt capable to do all of the things i talked about..and that she'd come meet him in the next 24 hours..

SOOOO PLEASEEEEE pray that they make a good match, that she will want to do this for our family..we SOOOO badly need someone other then these two caretakers we have..paying 5k a month is going to KILL us..and since we get more then $100 a week from SDI, (state disability insurance) BOTH social security AND medical have now denied us...so right now its out of our pocket and the foundation fund...
i keep going back and forth, do i want a housekeeper/nanny to live here and help wiht the house and the kids and i just do everything for jon, or maybe just have someone do it thru the nite time like a 12 hour shift, OR do i just hire someone to do jons care and i do the house and the girls..of course i'd prefer to do the latter because im a wife and mother = not a caretaker!! but maybe i need to do the other..i dont know...when jon is feeling good and meds are working and i can get a break or two from it..its bearable, but when jon is miserable, on the wrong meds, and im constantly being demanded of things...its horrible...not to mention have 4 girls demanding so much from you too--- then go try walking to church or what not with a happy face and smile and not break into a crying fit!! then IF you do happen to take a break, your fearful of SO MUCH judgement by other people thinking, we'll if she has time to do this or that...she doesnt need our help! its a constant fine line i walk everyday..i just want to be normal and like everybody else, i just want to do my own thing and not rely on other people to help me and then judge me about it later...but the truth is..i still need help..and im soooooo thankful that i get help and people still care...
its so crazy that this has happened to my family, when i think if this would have happened to this family or that family..THATS when i truly realize how hard this really is...
well anyway -enough of my rambling..i guess i just wanted to say..that even if it LOOKS Like we have it "all together" we really dont, its 10 times harder once the front door is closed to the outside world..so i guess in a sense im asking..please dont judge me...and please dont assume that everything is rosy at home..because its really not..ask anyone who has been in our home longer then 5 minutes..its STILL very hard...im CONSTANTLY running around the house...it reminds me of a thing rachel was typing on the computer..it said "my name is rachel, i have 3 sisters, an injured dad and a VERY BUSY MOM!!" and that is why i want my family back again so bad..my life was so much easier before this...and yet even though im going thru this...im finding lessons to be learned..as i said before..one of them is judging..we dont always know the "whole story"...

okay now im really done rambling!! so just pray that this new possibilty works out!! and i PROMISE jon and i will be VERY THOROUGHLY with her and make sure she doesnt have any warrants for her arrest and all that good stuff..i know people are always asking us to "make sure" they are okay...i promise you were smart people, and we ALWAYS think of these kinds of things ahead of time and we have 3 lawyers and probably 2 more on the way in the family - so were good!! no messing with the hales!!!