suffering....

i dont know what is worse...suffering yourself...or watching someone you love suffer...
my day started out good..i got the girls up to celene and then raced back home to get some business work done..i got A LOT DONE! jon was SO happy and so proud!! im so thankful im somewhat computer literate and can do so much to help him!!
Jake Thompson came over to take some measurements and get things going...i left around noon and got to the hospital to see and spend the day with jon..his missionary companion Shane Taylor had flown in to visit with him..he was just leaving as i was just arriving..
i spent some time with jon telling him ALL about the olympics and what athletes we have in the family..then i went with him to his one and only PT for the day..he did great of course..then we got back to the room..then we decided to take the wheelchair out in the halls and workout some more..he went probably 400 ft total! we then got back to the room and into his bed..he napped for a bit while i cleaned up his room..it was getting overloaded with so much stuff..
he then woke up and was telling me how much pain he was in..he actually has (after i did some online research)nueropathic pain...the charge nurse had actually come in that morning and could see just by looking at him how much pain he was in..and had him take atleast 1/2 vicadin...i told him i'd was going to talk to the nurse about a certain kind of medication that he could take and let him rest some more..
i talked to the charge nurse..and she explained to me the condition jon was in ..and that with some pain medication they could manage his pain which would increase endorphins into him which would help his healing process...right now he has really HIGH pain and then low..its not stabalizing..its going up and down all the time..i told the charge nurse that jon is fearful of getting addicted to anything...and doesnt like to feel like he's not in control..or feel groggy...i told her that he NEVER takes ANYTHING at home because usually it does nothing..he just bares thru it all...so i talked to jon and explained what she had told me..he said his pain was so bad..he had tears in his eyes..it was so bad...his entire body was sheet white...his lips were pale...he literally looked like he was dying...my grandfather passed away right infront of me..i will always remember that and how he looked...jon looked like that..his skin tone, color, everything...i asked if he would take something..he said yes..he needed to take something..it was too much for him..i asked what his pain level was at ...he said about an 8 out of 10...keep in mind jons been having this pain for 2.5 weeks! its just been gradually getting worse and worse..we talked to the charge nurse again and we got jon some vacadin..he was nervous about it..he only took one vs the two...it was SOOO incredibly hard to watch him suffer like he was...it was all i could do to hold myself together...it hurt to even touch him..to comfort him...all i could do was look at him...i asked if he would like to have a blessing...after a few minutes..he quietly said yes...i went out to my truck and called robert..i told him had been happening..they left corona del mar and drove clear out to the hospital...it took jon 1.5 hours for the first vacadin to take ANY affect on him..then he took a 2nd pill...robert and sandra came 5 minutes after that..
we quickly gathered around jon- robert layed his hands on jons head..robert gave a blessing...i stood there with complete faith in what was taking place...knowing...not hoping..but knowing that this was real...it was an incredibly deeply moving experience...one that will remain with me forever...even after this life...i cannot deny the spirit that was in that room at that very still moment...i felt the spirit...i felt his moving power...after that moment..i knew all would be okay...i knew because i had a knowledge of the Gospel and that worthy men here on earth have the priesthood..Heavenly Fathers power...
jon was much better...the pain had decreased immediatley..he was so grateful...
he was able to finish dinner..we visited with him..then he prepared for bed..which included a shower..we waited while they helped to shower him..once back in bed he needed to wait till 1130pm before he could have the next dose of medication..the pain was coming back again..in big waves...his dad helped to ease his mind for a bit doing scripture mastery..he knew them all..both the complete verse and where it was at...he's just like his dad..so knowledgable in the Gospel! the time came..he took his medication..and we waited 30 minutes with him..jon and i had companion prayer..then i headed home..his dad stayed till he fell asleep shortly there after..
i dont know how i made it home..i just did it on autopilot i think...but i got home and i am safe and warm...
i walked into my home..the front room carpet is ripped out and the french doors are in...jake - if your reading this - I LOVE IT!!! i thought i'd be SO sad..but after today with jon and his suffering..it was comforting to see my house..the doors...which will lead into where jon will be...in our home again...thank you..
its now 1am..i really need some sleep...tomorrow will be a big day for jon..sounds like he'll have a lot of visitors...his dad, todd, scott, and bro. walker will give him a blessing at 330pm..later his seminary kids will all stop by..it should be a great day for him...
tonite jons dad said to him.."jon you have no idea how many thousands of lives you are changing..how many people are drawing closer to God.." jon quickly said..."i am not the one changing people's lives..the spirit is...im just the catipult!" that is so true...