christina's in much better spirits!

sorry my previous posts have been SO WHINY!! it was SO nice to be at home, getting so much done, doing the dinner dishes...i LOVED that i got to be normal for a few hours!!!! it will be wierd not seeing jon so much...he's my husband..i should be seeing him everyday...he worked from home so we'd see eachother ALL the time day and night...so this is a BIG change for me...
as of now i will be with jon on wednesday and saturday...i will be talking to kevin and bonnie to figure out the best solution about having them stay with us here..they have just been so amazing..im so grateful..they'll never know how grateful i am for them...
ive had lots of time to ponder away from jon..and as someone told me.."im his wife first then his caretaker"...im very worried about doing everything..literally EVERYTHING for him and for the kids and for our business and for our home...but i will work on having a caretaker..even if someone is here for 1.5 hours in the morning to help dress him and then 1 hour or so at night time..what a HUGE help that will be to me!!! im very much aware of needing to be his wife..and all that that entails..that that STILL needs to be my primary focus with him...everything else will work out if that is still my main concern...
i got the girls signed up for the olympics thing on friday late afternoon! that will be fun - i plan on going with them..i just hope i dont get bombarded with questions and "hows jon, how are you etc" with all this crying im going to age so fast!!! so if you see me..just give me a hug and say its great to see you here!! i miss my old normal life!!
i feel incredibly GUILTY to do anything else but be with jon...anything that i do for myself i think (your wanting to do that while jon is suffering so much!!)..this is SO hard to explain but the BLATANT truth...but i have to remind myself..if your not taking care of yourself your not helping anyone..especially jon!! im so thankful to those of you that have called or emailed and are signing up to help jon during the day and night..i need to work on letting the guilt go..but its SUCH a hard thing!
i heard that bro. buckley is in utah till saturday..but will work with us beginning of next week to make some plans and then we'll get things rolling...
i have my calendar on my fridge i use..and it has april 19th marked "dads home maybe" and rachel noticed it..and she asked..is he still going to be in a wheelchair? i said yes..she said..i dont want him in a wheelchair...i want my old dad back...talk about CRUSHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sarah quickly replied..rachel..you should be happy daddy is coming home - who cares if he's in a wheelchair!! SO TRUE!! SO TRUE!! i hope that having jon here in the home..will make them feel he's still their dad...
i talked to my mom when she got home..she said he was actually done with therapy today at 2pm..he worked SOOOO hard she said..whenever it was time..he gave it his ALL..and even when he's in bed..he's doing SOMETHING ANYTHING to keep things going..after all his therapy..he just crashed..he ate a good breakfast, hardly any lunch and then some dinner but had one of those ensures..i need to stick them in the fridge..we felt like that would REALLY help him...he's SO exhausted from working out and sitting in a chair and getting back and forth into bed..he's just simply TOO TIRED to eat!! the ensures have tons of calories and TONS of protein in it- so that will help...she said he slept pretty good from 2ish - 530pm...she said she just mainly stayed quiet and read..he enjoyed that..not having to talk..because it takes SO much out of him to just even talk most times...
paul dobbert is there with jon tonight..i hope all goes well with them..i noticed that my poor cot is not as great as it was in the beginning! i'll have to think about something else or just start using the extra bed in the room! no one else is using it!! but were trying to be extra nice and not use it...
after dinner, i had all the kids pick up and then we did fhe..i enjoyed that too..i just read a story out of the friend magazine..one lesson i have learned is to JUST DO fhe (family home evening)..it doesnt have to be an hour long or some drawn out lesson..but just doing it every monday REALLY MATTERS!! it REALLY DOES!!! sometimes they are only 10 minutes and sometimes they are 30 minutes..but atleast were doing it..and what a DIFFERENCE that makes in our family life and relationships here at home...then they had cupcakes that were brought with a dinner for their treat..
im so grateful that im part of church that believes in the importance of scripture reading as a family every morning, prayer as a family every morning and night, and family home evenings on monday nights...those three things have literally changed our lives...im so grateful i took the initiative and just DID IT..i only started a couple of years ago ..REALLY doing those things...thats the other lesson i learned..its NEVER EVER too late to just start something..ESPECIALLY when its something that will bring me closer to Heavenly Father..our family has been IMMENSLEY blessed because we do those three simple things...
well its nearly 11pm..i should go to bed..thanks again for everyones thoughts and prayers..miracles are happening..how lucky we are to witness them...im so grateful i have this blog to write my thoughts and feelings down..thanks amie for introducing me to the new era of blogging!! crazy that i had ONLY started the end of january!! where would i be without this blog...i dont even know..probably more miserable then i already am!!! anyone who knows me knows that im not the most "feely touchy" kinda gal..but when i write- its no holds bar!!! my old running joke with jon is that i tease him by saying "i told you i loved you when i married you...if that changes..ill let you know!"....we always laugh at that...im not the best at showing my emotions physically or verbally..but even that is now changing..i find myself more and more telling jon verbally how much i love him...he loves to hear me say it...he always gets tears in his eyes..and then they burn...so i have to put in medicated drops to take the burn away...he use to not have ANY tears..and they'd just burn..but now i tell him..hey you've got your own tears!!! then he says...ya get the drops it still burns!!!