Change is Good...

Today was a pleasant day with jon..i was FINALLY able to give him his haircut!! he looks much better now - atleast i think so!! Then he wheeled himself off to therapy. Today's session was again more for me then him..but thats okay-- i need the training for transfering him from wheelchair to the bed and back again..i think i have it down though..
also they had him sit up and with his arms locked in a back position he had to hold himself up..which for a long time he couldnt do..then he had to find his "sweet spot" and balance himself sitting with no arms..this was to promote more upper body trunk control - which is why i continue to ask for prayers in this regard..so he did so..the PT guy was talking and kept saying .."i dont expect you to do much because i just taught this to you" well wouldnt you know it- jon FINDS his "sweet spot" and touches the PT's shoulder!!!!!!! the PT guy was so impressed!! he did so a couple more times..with time he'll get better and better at it!!
this is when the PT guy taught me a few tips on the transfers..then he asked me to do it and he was surprised at how well me and jon worked together..he said he wanted to give me a few extra tips..not that he was changing what i was doing ..and i said "i understand, you just want to add to what im doing" ..he said yes- exactly! Still though he said..for the first time ...he was really surprised at how well we work together..so that was neat!
Then he wheeled himself back into his room..thoroughly exhausted! Then Brad and Melinda Smith came - they are SO neat! we had a great visit - i called and asked melinda to pick up a pack of gum..then they show up with 15 different packs! it was great!! Jon was very emotional at this time... he tried to convey to brad and melinda how grateful he was of everyones out pouring of love and concern and service towards him and his family..he truly can feel all their love and prayers and support..he also told them that he will one day walk again..but it was on the Lords time table..but he has faith..he will walk again..he also spoke how blessed he felt to have this trial to experience all the love that is being shown unto him..even though its a trial..and it doesnt seem so big to him...how honored he was to be a recipient of such outpouring..it was very moving..
After they left he got back into bed and took an hour or so nap..then my parents came in followed by the hendricksons..sadly jon was in a decent amount of pain ..he was at a 7.5 out of 10..he was shivering and shaking..he gets muscle spasms..so his biceps just continously contract..and his arms bend and his hands come up to his neck..he said its like they are in a rubber band..he cant control when it comes up..and then he has to consciously bring them back down again..having visitors there helped a bit to keep his mind off the pain..i was really frustrated that the pain med's weren't working even after 2 hours of having them!!! the doctor then came in and i explained that i was frustrated..it seems that they up his dose..then it works for a couple of days..then it wears off...like its not strong enough..but they have been starting him on baclofin (sp?) and he's on at 5miligrams of it..and now they'll go to 10 miligrams of it..the doc reminded us that the normal dose is 20 ..but were talking it slow because jon prefers not to be so drugged up and drugged out..i hope we find SOMETHING that manages his pain...its no fun watching someone suffer so bad..then be good for 2 days only to suffer AGAIN the next day..its very wearing...
by 7pm he was feeling much better..i fed him his dinner which was pretty sorry as usual..then the campbells and the malones came in...i'd been having a pretty emotional day..EVERYTHING was making me cry type thing..one of those days..as i was sitting doing a pressure release for him..im sitting behind him and im thinking..i want my old life back..its hard not to think those things..not to just want jon to all of a sudden get up and walk out..its overwhelming how upside down our life is right now..and will be for a long while...then i thought..man this is SO what satan wants me to think about and dwell on..but i wont let him..he's not going to win this battle that rages inside me..i know what it takes to be better then that..prayer, my relationship with jon, family and friends...it is only natural for me to be sad..but its what i do with that sadness that builds my character i believe..my choice is to be strong..and thankfully i know how and what it takes to be strong..but i do know its okay to be sad..but how long im sad for is important..
so when the campbells and the malones came...i couldnt help but cry when i see these two grown men come up and kiss jon on his forehead..that is just such a touching moment..to see grown men be so tender and loving to my husband....it was all i could do to hold it together..
they all had a good visit and then they stepped outside so i could have companion prayer with jon...it was my turn to say it (even though it was an even day!) and i started my prayer..and i lost it again..jon reached up for my hand..and i just cried as he held my hand..knowing that he couldnt even feel mine..but we held hands and i continued to pray...then i ended..we kissed..said we loved each other and that we'd see eachother tomorrow...
as i was driving home..i noticed a big billboard that said in big letters "Change is Good"..i thought..thats so true..change really is good..what would we learn if everything stayed the same..nothing..but when life changes..how much more we learn...how much more we appreciate..how much more we notice...how much more we dont take for granted..how much more we think of other people..its endless really..even though we have this change in our life..we are so touched to hear the change in everyone else's lives...really...we are touched..and we are honored to help to facilitate that change..but we aren't changing people's lives...the Spirit is..our change has just softened the hearts of others to allow the Spirit to enter..the Spirit is a very real thing..it is quiet..it motivates you to do good..thats what the Spirit is..its what helps you to desire to do good..and anything that desires you to do good..is wonderful..because it brings you that much closer to Heavenly Father andmore like Jesus Christ..and thats what our purpose here on Earth is ..to become more like Christ...it really is that simple...isnt it wonderful?!