Today ended better then it started...

seems like each day ends up better then it started--probably best for me so i can get some sleep...
last nite jons mother sandra stayed with him at the hospital..im so very grateful! i woke this am at 730- took my shower and quickly ate a bowl of cereal and headed out the door..again very anxious to see jon and find out how things went thru the night.
seems like he had a pretty good night. The staff was very friendly and happy to let Sandra stay the night. That morning they gave him his usual pills..one of them being the anti-depressant..Sandra and jon flatly refused and told the nurses he would NOT be taking the anti-depressant and that it NEEDS to be taken off his chart immediatley! The doctor needs to be the one to have that removed so we talked to him to get that taken care of ...we dont want to not be watching and have that get slipped into him.
Sandra gave me the run down..informing me that the doctor said he could be out of this hospital and transfered to loma linda for physical therapy as soon as the end of this week!! i was in shock!! great news!!
sadly jons still having the same issues with his breathing..he was able to sleep as well as sandra here and there thru the night...the oxygen EVEN WITH the humidifier thing they run it thru still keeps his nose and eyes and everything SO dry -its very frustrating for jon and his nose is so congested, irritated and dry..its very difficult for him to breathe..its almost like when you cant breath- like someone is sitting on you and your struggling..and you begin to panick..and cant get yourself to breath..its similiar to that kind of feeling (thank you tracy for explaining it to me!!) he would get SUCH HIGH anxiety about breathing!!! right before lunch time im able to calm him down a bit and clear out his nose and it WORKS..only lasts for about 10 minutes but he says i had the magic touch and he's truly in heaven now!!! he was SOOOOOOOOOOO happy!!! he ate almost his entire lunch and was just tickled to death that he could breath!! then those lovely precious 10 minutes are up..and its back to ground zero again...
i continued to try ALLLLLLL day to try to get back to those heavenly 10 minutes of great breathing..all to no avail..i was on my feet i think literally the ENTIRE time (12 hours) i was there...today he didnt even sleep one bit...
i try to do a lot of stretching to his arms..i had at one point taken his arm and put his fingers on his forhead..he said THAT was the wierdest thing!! he said it was like it was someone elses hand on his head!!
the physical therapist comes Dan who had a dirt bike accident and is now in a wheel chair not able to feel from his waist down..very cool guy! he does some physical therapy with jon and tells me all the things i can do with him during the day and that i can work out his legs and feet too...he says that he should start having his therapy already everyday!! he informs us that there are 2 guys upstairs with jons same injury that are STILL in ICU --its been 30 days for them both and neither of them can even get off the respitory machine!! the fact that jon had his accident thursday..followed by surgery..NEVER having to use the respitory machine...NOT having any pain medication..feeling some touch and pressure that he does ONLY 4 days after is truly amazing! he is SO excited about jons "ready to roll" attitude! its making all the difference - i told he LITERALLY has THOUSANDS of people praying for him!! and not just for him to get better but very specific things!!!
jon sadly is still just very EXHAUSTED from this breathing issue...he now begins to get a fever of 101.5...the doctor is worried that pnemonia is starting to settle in..they tell him he should try the breathing treatment again to have that open up his lungs for more air...to keep water out of it..and to keep from his lungs collapsing..thats a common thing to have happen especially when your just lying down and not moving..meanwhile im realizing how quickly im beginning to feel weak and so very tired myself..i had high hopes that i could stay all day and all night..right then his mom sandra called and said she was able to go home..take a shower and slept til 3pm and she's feeling awake and rested and anxious to help jon thru the night if i needed..i simply said - that would be WONDERFUL!! i cant make it - im afraid i'll be TOO cranky with jon tonite if i stay!!! i was SO relieved!!
soon there after rachel and sarah came in..at first rachel (8) is VERY timid..on the other hand sarah (6) my "no holds bar" child jumps right on the chair like nothing happened and starts gabbing away!! they had made posters with an 8x10 photo i had taken of them earlier in the year (thats framed in individual frames on my living room wall) along with a message for dad to hang in his room...rachel starts to warm up to the new enviornment..i was careful to cover jon with a blanket from the neck down..i was worried about them seeing so many needles and tubes coming out of jons left hand! we talked a little..they shared their posters..SO CUTE!! thanks bonnie and tracy and who ever else helped to make that happen!! ive got them taped up!! i try to start the conversations by asking them what happened in THEIR day..sarah begins to tell me that scott took them to petco and he put a lizard on sarahs head-THANKS scott!!!! and then rachel tells me that scott put a taranchula on her head - THANKS A LOTTTT SCOTT!!!!!!!! dont worry - some day i will pay you back when im watching one of YOUR kids!!!! hehehe
i thought rachel would ask a jillion questions..but she only asked like 3..one being..is dad really going to be in here for 12 weeks?? i said no..hopefully only till friday..then to a different place..then we'll see how long...soon after..they were done with dad and more interested in those 17 brownies and 5 dozen cookies i have!! i notice that jons having a hard time trying to breath still..so i tell the girls its time to get going home and i'd be there soon...
he does the breathing treatment and begins to notice that its working! he starts to feel more confident about his breathing..he has to breath into this thingy - im too tired to explain! but all day he's only been able to get to 750..after ONE treatment he shoots it up to almost 1250!!!!! i teach him to breath not so much with his stomach and diaphram..but also make his chest get big..he starts to do that and realizes the difference that makes...he says its just SO wierd that he cant tell when he's breathing! he literally has to think about it! especially to think about making BIG DEEP breaths so he doesnt get a collapsed lung..he's feeling optimistic and so i feed him dinner...i called my sister in law celene..it was her bday - HAPPY BDAY CELENE!! jon sings an ENTIRE bday song to her and she told him that was the BEST bday present she's ever received!!! jon was in SUCH a great mood- it was the old jon we all love and adore!!! he happily ate almost his entire GROSS CAFETERIA dinner..i noticed there was a bowl of fruit..and asked if he wanted that- he LOVESSSSSSSSS fruit- so he was in heaven!!! breathing and able to eat fruit!!! i accidently plopped one out of the bowl while trying to feed him..he laughed..i told him "im sorry- im kinda new at this!!" we had a good chuckle!
jon gets his tempature checked again and its only down to 100.5...they give him more tylenol and another breathing treatment and AGAIN stick rubber gloves that are stuffed with ice and COLD WATER and THEN they stick it under his arm pits!!! YIKES thats SO cold!! he says luckily he doesnt even feel a thing!!!
soon after russell and tracy santos stopped in..jon is pumped about his breathing and asks russell to do his breathing thing and gets his number up to 1250 again with no problem and ALMOST to 1500!!! now he's just "showing off" i told russell!!
poor tracy had NEVER been able to come into see jon yet this whole time! she was so excited to see him...russell made his FAMOUS chocolate chip cookies!! i now have about 6 dozen cookies, 17 brownies and kelly's rocky road to eat while im helping jon!! jon was in such a good spirits..so happy..we had good laughs together..tracy and russell told us of EVERYONE in our ward and stake who are offering to do things...anything...so many people care about us right now - its amazing...
then sandra comes in and i give her the update and tell her how things are going..i tell her that jon didnt sleep ONCE while i was with him due to his anxiety over breathing..but i think we've got things under control now so he should HOPEFULLY sleep all nite long!!! the nurses got him all set up to sleep for the nite..i gave him a kiss on the lips and headed out for the nite..sandra informed me that robert had no appt's for tomorrow so he wanted to spend the day with jon..again im SO grateful because im so very exhausted!! it will be special because tomorrow is robert's (jons dad) birthday..i told jon to MAKE SURE he wished him a happy bday when his dad got there!!! sandra also informed me that she could again stay tomorrow nite if i needed..and that kelly (scotts wife) could stay wed morning..and i could stay wed nite..and we'd just need someone for thursday during the day- tracy has offered to do so..so i think thats the plan..and then sandra said the rest of jons family is able to stay thursday nite clear thru tuesday! i was so excited!! i talked to jon about how he would feel..i told him i want to do as much as i can..but there might be times where im just not capable..and would he feel more comfortable with family helping or people from the ward or what..he said at this time..family would be the best for him..so thats what we are doing..later on it might change..but as of now..that is his wishes and what he feels most comfortable with...so thats what we shall do...
earlier today...he told me he was SO sorry for whats happened and the burden he has put on me..i told him i loved him like CRAZY and wouldnt want to be ANYWHERE else but RIGHT next to him..he's my rock and my world..i told him that the past few years ive probably been preparing for this! just last year he was commuting from riverside to santa monica 2.5 hours EACH WAY for work..in the beginning (first 6 months or so)he was just living over there in santa monica (literally sleeping on his office floor because rent was SO expensive over there in the LA area!)monday -friday while i was at home with a 6 week old newborn and 3 other small children..but i made it work..i reminded him..even back then..we didnt have any other options...thats just the "way it was"..and i knew that and just made things happen..what good was it for me to complain! life could be SO much worse!! i just learned to work with what was infront of me...4 kids at home alone 5 days a week..being a single mom! Heavenly Father watched over me everyday and i was blessed by that! im in the same situation again...this is whats before me..i have NO other options..nothing is going to change..its the "way it is"..we just have to roll with it and do what we have to do! again it could be SO much worse!!! with Heavenly Father..we'll do great! i have no doubt in my mind..whether it be you walking again ..or whether it be you in a wheel chair - it doesnt matter-- you are still you and i love YOU! and that means the most to me right now...
im reminded of a lesson i learned from jons dad (robert)a few years ago..we all have trials in our life..some ask "why me?"..some say "i can handle this"..and some say.."with HF's help and power i can reach the end of this trial AND im ready and grateful for the lesson that i will learn from this"..robert compared it to the 3 degrees of Glory..the telestial state being (why me?)..the terrestial state being (i can handle this)..and the Celestial state being (with HF's help and power i can reach the end of this trial AND im ready and grateful for the lesson that i will learn from this)...i believe in this concept with ALL of my heart..this concept has helped me through so much and again will help me now in what is now my BIGGEST trial ever in my ENTIRE life...i have no doubt in that..i am grateful to have the knowledge of a Heavenly Father who loves me and jon..and i am grateful and ready for the lesson that he and i will learn together through this journey that has now begun..on thursday march 15th, 2005 our lives changed for ever..i believe for the better! and thats exciting!!
tomorrow i have things to do...i need to prepare papers for the disabilty insurance..which reminded me that the hospital called jons room and mentioned that the computers showed we had NO insurance!! i told her that i have his card sitting in my purse but no one asked or seemed to need it..we have 100% insurance coverage THANKFULLY when we started our business..we did the right thing and made sure we had good health insurance coverage!!
i will also need to call on getting a wheel chair and a bed for here at the home..i have to laugh..sheldon and his friends said they were going to "pimp out" jons wheel chair! put some spinners on the wheels..get a really good paint job..a sweet stereo system - the whole nine yards!!!
im grateful that robert can be there tomorrow so i can spend a little bit of time with the girls and get paper work started..check on bills..check on our business (scott, chad and sheldon were able to get into the convention center for GDC and got our booth all set up and ready to go!!!)..check our insurance to make sure all is running smoothly with that..call loma linda hospital to see what i will need to be prepared for..call the hospital to see what my next steps are.. i LOVEEEE to learn about all this and to be prepared so that jon is not frightened at all the changes and he can learn from me about all the next steps...
the physical therapist quietly asked me if i lived in a one story or 2 story..i said 2 story..he then asked if i had a bedroom downstairs..i said yes and a bathroom! ive been thinking about how i can change things around..knocking out a cabinet area to open up the bathroom...poor jon he JUST built a wrap around desk in his office which is the downstairs bedroom - but oh well..life goes on..i will need to take a closer look at my house and find out what measurements the doors will need to be and things of that nature..its a lot to think about ..but one thing at a time for me!
i want to say thank you to all those that brought groceries over!!! i opened the fridge and it was full of stuff!!!! thank you to those that have been bringing dinners..its been SO nice to not have to stop off at del taco coming home at 1030 each nite..and to just know when i get home theres some food in the fridge for me to eat!!!
as for now..the prayers we need are that jons breathing gets better..more specifically that he can learn HOW to breath correctly..that his mind will begin to work together with his body to breath the correct way..that his lungs will fill with air..he says when he breaths deep..he can actually FEEL tingling going from his chest clear thru his arms and out his fingertips..he says almost like he can feel the oxygen going thru his arms! also pray that his fever will break..and that his lung wont collapse..that the signs of pnemonia will disappear...he almost has to learn how to breath again..so pray that he does..and that it will come more natural to him..also pray that the swelling in his feet subside..they are severly swollen near his ankles...and that we as his family will have sufficient strength to be able to work out his arms, hands, legs and feet..its get very hard to lift a leg that is SO heavy!! these are the things that are pressing on my mind for him..
know that the nurses are WONDERFUL to him over there - complete 360 from the ICU!! were SOOO grateful!!! jon is sure to be SO nice to them all - he continues to tell them "he's so sorry" that they have to move him around..or bath him..or whatever else..and hes always saying "yes sir" or "yes ma'am"..if anyone knows jon..thats just his thing!! nobody says those things anymore! so people get caught off guard when he does that!!! they all have immediatley said.."oh no need to call me ma'am! where were you raised???" he tells them "the good ol' OC..but he just had very good parents that taught him to have respect for other people"...once they are all in there..they all start calling eachother sir and ma'am! its quite funny actually!! the nurses and staff just LOVE to be in there with jon because he is SO upbeat and optimistic about things and so respectful and grateful for all their work!!!!
i know so many of you want to stop by and visit jon..there is not really a waiting room like their was before (our old waiting room was such a highlight! i LOVED and miss it so much now!!!!!!)..somedays jon is good and up for visitors and some days he is just plain tired and cant even talk...i am not shy about letting you know if its a "good day or bad day"..you are free to call my cell or come in and ill let you know which day it is...hopefully with his breathing under control..some good rest..he'll be up for visitors..its just a day by day kind of thing..i also fear having a stream of visitors outside his door...just remember this will be a long recovery and that he will need visitors for a very long time!
thank you again to each and everyone of you!!! for your constant prayer in your heart for my dear jon...tears are streaming down my face...that makes for only my 3rd cry for today..i still cant believe that this happened to my sweet jon..im so grateful for his example thru this...im so grateful for all of our family and friends that have helped in countless..countless..countless ways..i cant even begin to write them all down! between food being brought, emails, babysitting, cookies, phone calls (sorry if you just get my voicemail PLEASE still leave a message- i listen to them all! it helps me to keep going thru the day!!!!), countless people offering their help in anyway that they can..im so lucky to have all of you such honorable people to help us right now..how blessed we are..so very blessed...we'll get thru this ..ALL of us will..one day at a time!! miracles have happened before our eyes-its a true testimony of the Gospel and how each of us can truly become as Christ through our service for one another...thank you