nice evening

i stayed around the house today getting stuff done here at home and for the business..ya know just trying to keep things going..i picked up the mail before getting the girls..THANKS claudine taylor for the fun things for the girls!! they loved it!! i took the girls to kohls to get something fun..i was looking for easter dresses but so bugged that everything was pretty much sleeveless!! then i dropped them back off at home and went to the hospital..
he was meeting with the recreational therapist..who cares for his whole being..and she asked him what were his most important relationships..he said "first and foremost is my relationship with Jesus Christ and my Father in Heaven, then my wife, then my children, then my extended family and friends" ..she was totally floored!!! she said.."jon, i am in awe of you - i really am! you are truly my hero..for you to KNOW your most important relationships like that and to not have to think about them - im just in awe of you"..she commented that she's "never had a patient like jon"..and that "she's going to be learning so much from him..she has already"..and that "she always leaves the room feeling 10 times more uplifted!! its suppose to be the other way around!!!" and that "she always makes sure jon is her last patient so she can go home with such a great spirit"..it was neat to see that and witness that...
jon was doing good - very tired..he'd had a big day..its nice to have the weekends to relax a bit for him!! poor guy! we did a lot of crying today...jon and i...he's really worried about me...that i wont want to stay with him..i keep reassuring him that i do want to stay and that i will..and that it shouldnt even be a concern of his..but he needs that verbal reassurement..so i will continue to do that for him..
he told me one day..he will be able to hold me again like he use to...one day he WILL dance with me...he was a fantastic dancer!! he is very romantic that way...yes who knew jon could dance the waltz!! we loved to dance those kinds of dances at wedding receptions...
its just been a rough emotional day for him..i was grateful to be with him during that time..i told him .."some days youll be strong and i wont..and some days ill be strong and you wont...thats why we are together"...he told me he's not the same man anymore..that he's different...i quickly said your ONLY physically different..THATS IT!! im so grateful that his mental capacity is still there..that he knows who i am..that his spirit is still passionatley alive..he could have been SO MUCH worse...or even dead...im so very grateful for what i have of him! he felt good hearing that from me...i cant even begin to imagine what he's going thru...i can escape it here and there..he can only constantly think about it day after day...the fact that he's not moving..i can only imagine how that would start to tear you apart..but we have faith..and the blessings that were given we remember...
driving home i had hard time..sometimes im driving and look at the time and think ...hmmm its 1030pm..on a friday night...what would we have been doing?? probably playing games at someones house..or watching a movie..and it makes me sad that our life in 3 seconds completely changed...our life simply isnt the same anymore...these have been the LONGEST 15 days of my entire life...and they seem to only get longer...but then i remember how i felt when i first heard of what happened..i fell to the floor and prayed..and yet..i still felt good and felt that "all would be okay"...i hold on to that moment ..and what i felt...in times of sadness..i REMEMBER how i felt at that moment..and i continue to forge ahead..most of you know how i feel about that word "remember"...remember how you felt when you first felt the Holy Ghost, remember how you felt when you married your spouse, had your first child, prayed to know if the church was true, the scriptures are FULL of that very word..."oh ye remember, remember"...i live by that simple word...remember..i cannot deny the feelings i felt after my prayer..i remember how i felt and thats what brings me peace and comfort and the strength to continue on...
during my time with jon..the doctor came in who speaks VERY LITTLE..and i asked him.."how did he know that jon was not in spinal shock anymore?" he tapped the bottom of his knee..below the knee cap and the top of his knee cap moved..it had a reflex..he said "thats how i know"...we asked a few more questions..and he began to say.."you now i can only tell you medically what i know..and nothing more...but i can say that things have happened...i have seen things take place that aren't what medically is suppose to happen...i have seen where the brain DOES MAKE that connection with the spine..and everything starts working..i just dont know how it happens..i have seen people walk..i dont know what it is..or how to explain it..but it has happenned before..and i do hope that that happens for you"..jon told him we'd take it...
it was FINALLY encouraging for the doctor to admit that sometimes things DO happen!! and that he couldnt really explain them..
i feel for our next fast that we pray that his brain will make that connection with the rest of his body...with his spine...that is key to his recovery..also pray for his spirit and him emotionally...im grateful that he allows himself time to get his feelings out..its heartbreaking to watch a grown man cry...to see him struggle in SO many ways right now...i always felt jon was indestructable..this man would do flips just from standing on a sidewalk, or flip off with his snow skis, this man could LITERALLY do ANYTHING he put his mind too..and anyone that knows jon knows this to be SO TRUE!!! to see how everything was taken away from him in 3 small seconds..its hard to wrap your mind around that..
going thru this trial is just so very hard...i often drive home and feel like im on some sort of vacation..and that soon ill be getting home and life will be back to normal...you know that feeling..when your just ready to be back in your own home doing your own routines and things...like before...jon will be working crazy on his new business in the office, ill get online to check my emails, the girls will be playing handball on the garage, anna will be playing my little pony.com on the computer, becca will be napping, we'll eat dinner together promptly at 6pm because im such a nazi schedule freak, jon will give his 4 girls their horse ride up the stairs, ill finish cleaning up the kitchen and jon would prepare his seminary lesson for the next morning...but all of that has changed...all of it...i just REALLY miss our old "normal" boring life...i miss it a lot...it was boring, simple yet perfect...
it was EVERYTHING i wanted my life to be......
all this has changed...but for the better...and honestly better is ALWAYS better then boring right!
so again, pray that his brain connects with the rest of his body...and pray specifically that his right wrist starts to function better, that each of his digits will function better, that he'll get use of his arms..we have to focus on one thing at a time..if he could just get his arms and hands and fingers to work...our lives will be 80% better!! then we can focus on each part after that...
thank you ALL and ALLLL of those that i dont even know!! im so grateful to have SUCH a tremendous support system!! thank you especially to my home family ward..you guys are doing such a great job - the hardest part sometimes!! and to bonnie and kevin..who i feel have the hardest challenge of all - thank you both for being here at my home for my children..we're SO VERY lucky!!
during the weekends are a GREAT time to visit jon..he only has PT ONCE per day..so that makes it nice for visits...
thanks Aunt deborah and family for the gorgeous flowers! it had a lemon in the arrangement and a lemon in the vase with water..SO ironic because the Occupatient Therapist (who has a liking for us) has a lemon tree that she made homemade fresh lemonade for me and jon and was pouring us the lemonade..jon was LITERALLY drinking it when your flowers came in!!! he saw them and thought immediatley..when life gives you lemons..make lemonade and then there we WERE literally drinking some!!!