TIRED tuesday...

last night jon slept here and there..which made his day a little more difficult for him...i got to him this am around 630am..chris and kristi needed to head for the airport..
he did a few things..one was learning how to eat with a spoon with a splint attached to his arm..they put it on his right hand..which sadly is SO weak right now..his left arm is much stronger..but with patience and practice he'll get it..
he also had a speech therapist come in..his doing good..he just needs some work on his diaphram so he can yell if he needs to..
he also did work with the PT..they actually put him in a manual chair and put a rubber rose around the wheel..then jon has these special gloves that give friction so that he can push himself around..he was actually ABLE to do it!! he went up and down the hallways..it was EXAUSTING of course!! but HE did it!! i was amazed!!
he's still having a hard time getting use to his chair..although its better then before..he cant quite get up to a 90 degree angle like he needs to...with time..hopefully that will be better...
after his PT of the wheel chair in the hallway thing..he came to his room and asked to be put in his bed..he then slept for a little over 2 hours..it was a ROUGH day for him...
scott and kellie came..and relieved me for the night..im so so so so tired! i compare it to going to disneyland EVERYDAY -- you know how your just SO tired when you get home--thats exactly how i feel every night i come home..
it was a little hard for me emotionally..to watch him struggling to feed himself..or even pick up a rolled washcloth..trying desperatly to hold on to it..i kept thinking to myself - -man we take SO MUCH for granted dont we!! to see someone...especially your husband..struggle like that..it was almost too much for me to bare...but over time..it will come..
he tells me when he has to lift his arms..its like lifting arms with 100lbs attached to them- it takes EVERYTHING out of him JUST to do that!!
i talked with the social worker today..she asked all kinds of questions..one of them was..how would you feel if you went home with jon today as the caretaker..i said..well i feel 70% okay that i could do it..she asked what i would struggle with..i said doing the catheder..which im learning..and transfers..getting him from the wheel chair to a bed..anyway those few questions REALLY made me THINK of what i was REALLLLLY headed for...it was all i could do to keep it together...
sometimes i think..man i just wish he could just all of a sudden get up and walk!! but then...what lesson would i get out of that??? jon and i have been preparing for the lessons that lay before us...
jon was a little bit cranky today..i think he just feels like he cant EVER escape this situation...i can come home..and step away from it..he on the other hand is practically drowning in it!! although each time he was cranky..i would think in my head..i'd be even CRANKIER if that were me stuck in the bed like that and in his condition..he's not trying to be mean on purpose..he's just frustrated..so i never lost my cool...i just kept things in perspective..i have kept thinking that this whole time..i think..ya know there will come a time when he tells me "sweetie, your not doing that right..or please just do it this way.." but ive prepared myself knowing this time will come..and he's just frustrated not mad at me..so thats been a big help...
its 830 now and im STARVING!! im SO very grateful there is just always some food in my fridge-- i cant EVEN IMAGINE what i'd be doing without everyone's help!!
my prayer is that he sleeps well tonite..and get the rest he needs...its amazing to remember that its ONLY day 12 of his injury!! its AMAZING that he didnt ever have to get a traich!! its AMAZING that he had surgery and has breathed on his own this ENTIRE time!! its AMAZING that he's able to feel more and more of his body as each day passes!! he is SOOOO determined to walk again and be whole..he tells the staff..it may not be in this building..but it WILL be ONE DAY!
please continue to pray that he wont get pnemonia and ESPECIALLY no urinary tract infections of any kind...also pray that his triceps get strong..along with his deltoids..he'll be using these a lot...and that each day his body will heal just a little bit more then it was yesterday...
as far as feeling..he feels more on his right side then his left..he can feel his shoulders, back, abdomen (if pushed), knees(if pushed), legs (if pushed), he can tell you which way his ankle/foot is going if you move it..on his right food he can tell you which toes your are squeezing..so this is ALL just so positive for us!!
well i need to get some food in me, maybe a shower, and then some sleep!